i feel this way this morning.
i have been pursuing Gods voice. i have been praying for a silence and peace of my heart so that i will be able to hear when His voice comes. i want to KNOW what He sounds like. i want the confedence that the Holy Spirit has to offer.
during prayer is such a difficult time to be still and listen and wait. especially since starting this pursuit. i began, and my heart was so burdened for susette i was praying for her and almost nothing else (other than my usual remorseful cry over my own sins). this week has been very ruff... as soon as susette was home and better. a friend was in an accident. james. but i saw Gods protection and provision for him. he walked away with just a bruise and a realization of how many people he has in his life that care for him. i was told of a grave sin of my great uncle. jack. he is in prison. my mom asked me to pray. but i think he will be just fine. he confessed his sin and now is paying the consequences. my aunt needs the prayer more. our life group wants to be a place where people can open up and be real. why dont i feel like i can do that? then my gramsie calls me. she has been diagnosed with lymphoma. my instant reaction was to encourage her with susettes success story. she asked me to send prayers her way. i said i would. she lives in australia. i hope to see her before she returns home. and lucas.
as i was praying this morning i couldnt even get to all of this because of the remorse of my own sin. an hour later i was drawn back to prayer. a scripture came to mind...
Matt 11:28-30
come to Me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
susette
she is recovering quickly thanks to God's grace and our prayers!! she ate a cheese enchilada yesterday!
Jesus loves this girl so much!!
you can read her updates here: www.susetteupdate.blogspot.com
Jesus loves this girl so much!!
you can read her updates here: www.susetteupdate.blogspot.com
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
six months
we didn't even realize it had been six months. we had just spent the weekend in san diego. friday was cristina and asa's wedding. saturday we spent with a couple married couple friends. sunday our haiti team got together for a bbq. but mid-kiss on our couch back at home is when it dawned on me. somehow. six months had gone by? crazy.
significant days are just like any other days. we just choose to celebrate and remember things on certain days. birthdays, wedding days, deathdays, and days we are just thankful for something. that pretty much wraps up the significant days (let me know if im wrong). christmas, easter, thanksgiving, your birthday, the anniversary of a loved ones death, a six month anniversary, a baptism, fourth of july, memorial day, mothers day. the days themselves are not special for any other reason than God allowed the sun to once again rise. what is special is the thing we celebrate. we take time out to say "hey this is important to me," "you are important to me."
somedays are easier to celebrate and remember than others. Lucas' brother died almost 5 years ago. in my experience i have never had to encounter a significant day i was not looking forward to. it is unfathomable to me and my heart is searching for the way to be what he needs right now.
significant days are just like any other days. we just choose to celebrate and remember things on certain days. birthdays, wedding days, deathdays, and days we are just thankful for something. that pretty much wraps up the significant days (let me know if im wrong). christmas, easter, thanksgiving, your birthday, the anniversary of a loved ones death, a six month anniversary, a baptism, fourth of july, memorial day, mothers day. the days themselves are not special for any other reason than God allowed the sun to once again rise. what is special is the thing we celebrate. we take time out to say "hey this is important to me," "you are important to me."
somedays are easier to celebrate and remember than others. Lucas' brother died almost 5 years ago. in my experience i have never had to encounter a significant day i was not looking forward to. it is unfathomable to me and my heart is searching for the way to be what he needs right now.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
san diego
(this was an attempt to post from lucas' blaskberry. all that showed up was the title and the time. maybe next time ill get it)
Monday, August 4, 2008
a friend of mine has been sick
susette mannasero. i met her through my husband lucas. he met her years ago and is one of the first people to talk to him about Jesus. in 2004 she and her family sold everything they had and moved to haiti to begin an orphanage. christmas eve of 2007 susette was diagnosed with cancer. hodgkin's lymphoma. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hodgkin's_lymphoma
so she has been back in the states for testing and treatments. late jan she was tested and the results were cancer free!! an incredible testimony of Jesus' ability to heal still today! however, they were asvised to still go through the chemotherapy treatments. 6 months of chemo went by quite smoothy compared to many that go through this. i attribute this not only to the personal strength of this woman, but also her spiritual strenth, and the grace of God. you can read her update blog here: susetteupdate.blogspot.com
on the home stretch now susette has been going through radiology treatments. unlike chemo... these are daily. 7 days straight. one day of rest. and another 7 days. after the first 7 days she was having incredible pain while trying to swallow food, and then even water. it took two hours for a piece of quich lodged in her contristed throat to make its way down her esophogus. apparently, the radiology treatments had caused great damage to her esophogus. she couldnt eat for the next 7 days, and when they attempted to put a tube down her throat, they found it was bleeding. her blog asked us to pray.
i found myself this past week having susette so deaply laid on my heart. i dont think i have ever prayed for something so urgently. (except maybe for guidence about marrying lucas). as each day passed i was praying more urgently. sunday (yesterday) was a day of decision. they would try the food tube again, if that did not work... she would have to have a PICC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peripherally_inserted_central_catheter) inserted until her esophogus healed enough to eat. sunday i attended my church's service on the beach. the message was on soul food. the pastor used the same theme scriputures and worship songs that have been on my heart for susette.
Matt 11:28-30
Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
John 6:35
Then Jesus declaired, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thristy.
ALL WHO ARE THIRSTY
all who are thristy
all who are weak
come to the Fountain
dip you heart in the stream of life
let the pain and the sorrow
be washed away
in the waves of His mercy
as deep cries out to deep
come Lord Jesus come
come Lord Jesus come
come Lord Jesus come
come Lord Jesus come
this somg, i believe, is from Isaiah 55. the whole chapter is really incredible. here is another song from the same portion of scripture:
COME TO THE RIVER
im waiting here for You
listening for Your voice
speak Your Word over me
and my soul will live
great are your mercies Lord
renewed for me everyday
you faithfully pardon me
i hear You say
come to the water
come to the river
come to the well
come if youre thristy
come if your broken
come and be healed
as sure as the rain comes down
as sure as the snow alls from heaven
Your promises are fullfilled
i hear You say
come and drink from the Saviors cup
come and be cleansed by the Saviors blood
i will go out with joy
i will go out with peace
the mountains and hills sing praise
and i hear You say
so... the news is: yesterday she was able to swallow some ice cream and jello! Praise Jesus! however she was unable to drink the protien drink, ensure, and she will have the PICC until she is able to eat/drink something more nutritous.
please pray for her. she is the mother of 53.
so she has been back in the states for testing and treatments. late jan she was tested and the results were cancer free!! an incredible testimony of Jesus' ability to heal still today! however, they were asvised to still go through the chemotherapy treatments. 6 months of chemo went by quite smoothy compared to many that go through this. i attribute this not only to the personal strength of this woman, but also her spiritual strenth, and the grace of God. you can read her update blog here: susetteupdate.blogspot.com
on the home stretch now susette has been going through radiology treatments. unlike chemo... these are daily. 7 days straight. one day of rest. and another 7 days. after the first 7 days she was having incredible pain while trying to swallow food, and then even water. it took two hours for a piece of quich lodged in her contristed throat to make its way down her esophogus. apparently, the radiology treatments had caused great damage to her esophogus. she couldnt eat for the next 7 days, and when they attempted to put a tube down her throat, they found it was bleeding. her blog asked us to pray.
i found myself this past week having susette so deaply laid on my heart. i dont think i have ever prayed for something so urgently. (except maybe for guidence about marrying lucas). as each day passed i was praying more urgently. sunday (yesterday) was a day of decision. they would try the food tube again, if that did not work... she would have to have a PICC (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peripherally_inserted_central_catheter) inserted until her esophogus healed enough to eat. sunday i attended my church's service on the beach. the message was on soul food. the pastor used the same theme scriputures and worship songs that have been on my heart for susette.
Matt 11:28-30
Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
John 6:35
Then Jesus declaired, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thristy.
ALL WHO ARE THIRSTY
all who are thristy
all who are weak
come to the Fountain
dip you heart in the stream of life
let the pain and the sorrow
be washed away
in the waves of His mercy
as deep cries out to deep
come Lord Jesus come
come Lord Jesus come
come Lord Jesus come
come Lord Jesus come
this somg, i believe, is from Isaiah 55. the whole chapter is really incredible. here is another song from the same portion of scripture:
COME TO THE RIVER
im waiting here for You
listening for Your voice
speak Your Word over me
and my soul will live
great are your mercies Lord
renewed for me everyday
you faithfully pardon me
i hear You say
come to the water
come to the river
come to the well
come if youre thristy
come if your broken
come and be healed
as sure as the rain comes down
as sure as the snow alls from heaven
Your promises are fullfilled
i hear You say
come and drink from the Saviors cup
come and be cleansed by the Saviors blood
i will go out with joy
i will go out with peace
the mountains and hills sing praise
and i hear You say
so... the news is: yesterday she was able to swallow some ice cream and jello! Praise Jesus! however she was unable to drink the protien drink, ensure, and she will have the PICC until she is able to eat/drink something more nutritous.
please pray for her. she is the mother of 53.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
thoughts as we leave for haiti
i was thinking about sin and how terribly much i waist time seeking after pleasures that are so futile. a quote about mud pies popped into my head.
c.s.lewis (of course)
"If you asked twenty men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you asked almost any of the great Christians of old he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative ideal of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to the desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. We must not be troubled by the unbelievers when they say that this promise of rewards makes the Christian life a mercenary affair. There are different kinds of rewards. There is the reward which has no natural connection with the things you do to earn it, and is quite foreign to the desire that ought to accompany those things. Money is not the natural reward of love; that is why we call a man a mercenary if he marries a woman for the sake of her money. But marriage is the proper reward for a real lover, and he is not a mercenary for desiring it. A general who fights well in order to get a peerage is a mercenary; a general who fights for victory is not, victory being the proper reward of battle as marriage is the proper reward of love. The proper rewards are not simply tacked on to the activity for which they are given, but are the activity itself in consummation."
pray that i would love above all else.
c.s.lewis (of course)
"If you asked twenty men today what they thought the highest of the virtues, nineteen of them would reply, Unselfishness. But if you asked almost any of the great Christians of old he would have replied, Love. You see what has happened? A negative term has been substituted for a positive, and this is of more than philological importance. The negative ideal of Unselfishness carries with it the suggestion not primarily of securing good things for others, but of going without them ourselves, as if our abstinence and not their happiness was the important point. I do not think this is the Christian virtue of Love. The New Testament has lots to say about self-denial, but not about self-denial as an end in itself. We are told to take up our crosses in order that we may follow Christ; and nearly every description of what we shall ultimately find if we do so contains an appeal to the desire. If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. We must not be troubled by the unbelievers when they say that this promise of rewards makes the Christian life a mercenary affair. There are different kinds of rewards. There is the reward which has no natural connection with the things you do to earn it, and is quite foreign to the desire that ought to accompany those things. Money is not the natural reward of love; that is why we call a man a mercenary if he marries a woman for the sake of her money. But marriage is the proper reward for a real lover, and he is not a mercenary for desiring it. A general who fights well in order to get a peerage is a mercenary; a general who fights for victory is not, victory being the proper reward of battle as marriage is the proper reward of love. The proper rewards are not simply tacked on to the activity for which they are given, but are the activity itself in consummation."
pray that i would love above all else.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
26 isnt so bad
i never wanted to worry about getting old. i decided at some point when i was a kid that i would always be proud of my age... whether i was 10, 26, 37, 64, or 99. well, we can all agree that getting older was fun back then. but i think its fun now and really not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. i remember my grandma turning 39 over and over again when i was a kid. so silly i thought!!
im 26 now. i guess i thought id have kids and a career by now, but maybe thats what you bum out about getting older... you are thinking of what you dont have. well this year i was totally overwelhmed with what i do have!! it may be a little easier for me... being newly married :) but having lucas in my life this year made 26 so fun. we had a regular busy wednesday on the 7th so lucas planned to take me out to breakfast. 7am. Eat at Joes. im not telling you to eat there. that is what its called. i had oatmeal and that always reminds me of my grandad. he goes out for breakfast and orders oatmeal everyday. everyday. growing up i would decide against the pancakes sometimes and order oatmeal too. just to be like him. lucas and i went on a little walk, and took some random pics, enjoying the snipit of time together before the work day began. when we got home my phone rang. my grandma and my grandad sang Happy Birthday to me! i could hear them both. it was so special i was about to cry. i love them so much. throughout the day i got Happy Birthday texts and singing Birthday voicemails from close family, good friends, and even some new friends! my dad said a prayer for me that also almost brought me to tears too. women. what is it with the men on our lives? they almost always make or break any special day. come on. you know its true. when i got home from work lucas had cut me some flowers in our front yard and made me a card. when i saw them on the counter i got so excited (i knew where they were from). if you know me. i really dont want more than that. i love it simple. and so long as i get to spend some good time with you thats all i need. so i was all set to cook... but lucas took me out to dinner too! islands. one of my favorites. then it was time for our perspectives class and lucas insisted on bringing a cake. yum! so of course with the cake the Birthday song could not be resisted. and pastor dan and the class prayed for me. i had to choke back a tear again. class was about misconceptions that chirstians ans muslims have between one another (one of my favorite topics), and about thinking through how we want to be involved in Gods plan to bless the nations. since lucas was simply set on spoiling me, we went out to 7-11 for slurpees, took them home, and talked about what we want to do with our lives. is this really my life?
so when you are older maybe you are bummed out about the parts of life you are going to miss when you are gone. mostly time with the people you love the most. i had one of those times last night. my mom, sister, and grandparents came over to lucas and i's for dinner and pie. i sorely missed my dad (who was out of town) but had a really indescribable time with my family.
i have to say i just feel overwelhmingly blessed. again if you know me i can get bummed out on life pretty easy sometimes. the 6th i was feeling that way. burdened. worried. and i know through you people that love me, Jesus was showing me how much He loves me. you know. He really loves us.
when you get older, it must be much more real. the fact that you are going to die one day. you hurt when you stand too long, you cant pick up things without help, your hair is grey or gone, and you have great grand children. but you have a full lifetime of memories. good. bad. fun. hard. and they are all full of people. some of those people may be gone already. but they somehow must still be part of your life. so we should know that when we go we will still be part of the lives that we leave.
but! for those of us who believe. Jesus is waiting for us! open arms. with love. and the family of believers too. and we will be together without sin and death, with our Lord. forever. into eternity.
im 26 now. i guess i thought id have kids and a career by now, but maybe thats what you bum out about getting older... you are thinking of what you dont have. well this year i was totally overwelhmed with what i do have!! it may be a little easier for me... being newly married :) but having lucas in my life this year made 26 so fun. we had a regular busy wednesday on the 7th so lucas planned to take me out to breakfast. 7am. Eat at Joes. im not telling you to eat there. that is what its called. i had oatmeal and that always reminds me of my grandad. he goes out for breakfast and orders oatmeal everyday. everyday. growing up i would decide against the pancakes sometimes and order oatmeal too. just to be like him. lucas and i went on a little walk, and took some random pics, enjoying the snipit of time together before the work day began. when we got home my phone rang. my grandma and my grandad sang Happy Birthday to me! i could hear them both. it was so special i was about to cry. i love them so much. throughout the day i got Happy Birthday texts and singing Birthday voicemails from close family, good friends, and even some new friends! my dad said a prayer for me that also almost brought me to tears too. women. what is it with the men on our lives? they almost always make or break any special day. come on. you know its true. when i got home from work lucas had cut me some flowers in our front yard and made me a card. when i saw them on the counter i got so excited (i knew where they were from). if you know me. i really dont want more than that. i love it simple. and so long as i get to spend some good time with you thats all i need. so i was all set to cook... but lucas took me out to dinner too! islands. one of my favorites. then it was time for our perspectives class and lucas insisted on bringing a cake. yum! so of course with the cake the Birthday song could not be resisted. and pastor dan and the class prayed for me. i had to choke back a tear again. class was about misconceptions that chirstians ans muslims have between one another (one of my favorite topics), and about thinking through how we want to be involved in Gods plan to bless the nations. since lucas was simply set on spoiling me, we went out to 7-11 for slurpees, took them home, and talked about what we want to do with our lives. is this really my life?
so when you are older maybe you are bummed out about the parts of life you are going to miss when you are gone. mostly time with the people you love the most. i had one of those times last night. my mom, sister, and grandparents came over to lucas and i's for dinner and pie. i sorely missed my dad (who was out of town) but had a really indescribable time with my family.
i have to say i just feel overwelhmingly blessed. again if you know me i can get bummed out on life pretty easy sometimes. the 6th i was feeling that way. burdened. worried. and i know through you people that love me, Jesus was showing me how much He loves me. you know. He really loves us.
when you get older, it must be much more real. the fact that you are going to die one day. you hurt when you stand too long, you cant pick up things without help, your hair is grey or gone, and you have great grand children. but you have a full lifetime of memories. good. bad. fun. hard. and they are all full of people. some of those people may be gone already. but they somehow must still be part of your life. so we should know that when we go we will still be part of the lives that we leave.
but! for those of us who believe. Jesus is waiting for us! open arms. with love. and the family of believers too. and we will be together without sin and death, with our Lord. forever. into eternity.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
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