make me

totally pure i want Him to make me
frustrated and shamed is my reality
anyway that i try to see
anyway i try to be and be
i cant be anything but a scared fraility
my lists of accomplishments only hinders
me from the dare to totally surrender
to the one who calls himself Love
to the one who created all here and above
to the one who all my sin he carried
up calvary to make my heart clean
only to have me disregard Him
not believing east and west now separate me from sin
not believing His power can come in
side me and redeem all that has been condemned
to the fire and raise me up again

so i cry out to you Jesus
who says you never leave us
why cant i connect to the vine of living water
so my heart can be built on rock and never totter
and then He says to me I am your Father
yes i will not leave you
but you must understand that there is nothing you could do
to earn this love i hold out before you
i gave my Son to all so all could come to me
i freely give this gift why is it that you cannot see
that the only thing that stands between you and being free
is your tight hold on your grasp of reality
let go and let me show you what is real
I am the I am and I will break the seal
and rule the new earth with an ever righteous zeal

crumbled and humbled i see You for who You are
how have i stumbled again to get so far
away from the truth of your amazing grace
lovingly lifting the veil from my faded face
You look into my soul and and my heart you replace
with flesh from stone like the stone was rolled away
to reveal your mystery and glory on one simple day
suddenly again i remember why you came
to earth and lived and died and rose and call my name
to follow you in faith and hope and love
to give my life back to you for i am simply of
dust you put together and breathed life into
my flesh with a purpose and a plan to use
my life to magnify You
and so i give up to you my severed divided heart
to make me totally pure from the finish to the start

didnt get the job

so i had a job interview at an awesome non-profit last thurs. it went real well. volunteer coordinator at 'giving children hope'. i am super qualified for it. and am super stoked on the organization and what they are doing. i was thinking it would be a good fit. it would have been an excellent challenge as well. not to mention it would be using my degree... imagine that!! so i got the call today. they thanked me for coming in and said they enjoyed meeting me. but they decided to choose another candidate for the position.

i dont think i could have prayed more or trusted more that God would lead me. So i have to take this as His leading.

I was going to have to sacrifice a few things for the job.

slow mornings. i never work before 10:45am. i still get up around 7 but take my time. go for a walk. pray. read. make a breakfast.

the next thing i would have to give up is my hip hop classes. i keep wondering if this is something that i should dive head long into... if its worth it.

traveling. lucas and my fun getaways couldn't happen often.

part time work. going to costco, target, and the bank somewhere between 9-5. time to stop by the ocean shore and reflect on life. time to schedule breakfasts with girlfriends.

pomodoro. dont get me wrong. i wouldnt be too sad to say good bye to the serving job itself. but i would be sad to say good bye to the staff, the flexibility, the ocean view on the patio... my ministry there too would probably get sacrificed.

and then there is haiti. which may be the reason that they didnt hire me. lucas and i are committed to the ministry. as many of you reading may know we may travel there 3 or 4 times a year. this winter i will be there from nov 20 - dec 26. even though the ministry of 'giving children hope' would include aid to haiti... i think they need a volunteer coordinator who is going to be in the country.

all in all. i was bummed. but i was praying for the Lords guidance and i have to believe that this is part of that guidance right?