highs and lows

today's highs:
1. watching Clairmond go through a kids devotional bible and tell us about almost every bible story from adam and eve to the good Samaritan.
2. watching Alex, Schnider, Walgens, and a few others, in our team's business class get excited and dreaming about beginning a business.
3. starting to work on some gardening at the guest house.
4. praying with the Child Hope staff.
5. bible study with the girls.

today's lows:
1. mosquito bites
2. not being able to fit it all in a day
3. missing walking the kids to and from school
4. missing the feeding program again
5. gathering people

it was really cool to go around and share about our highs and lows at our team meeting tonight. great idea lucas! people in our team are being profoundly touched. we love watching that!!

first days in haiti

since we arrived yesterday afternoon i keep looking around and realizing i am going to be here for a whole month. right now im a part of a team of 13, including lucas and i, who are leading. we have been learning SO much through being in leadership. we didnt really ask to be here, but fell in love with haiti and were asked to lead teams, of course, we said yes. its a ton of work and responsibility... but it comes with great rewards! we are almost just like the planes that physically brought us here. lucas and i simply pave the way for people to come to this place and experience what God is doing here. its nothing special. its like planting a seed, watering it in and then coming back a week later and seeing the sprout... knowing you had a small part in it, but taking joy in the beautiful mystery of the growing. peoples lives are deeply impacted, not by us, or anything we do, but by the Lord doing His transforming work of love in people lives.

john mcchouls sermon today was about life. the most precious commodity that one can ever give, because it is the most precious thing we have ever been given. i hope that our lives would be poured out here this week as a team, in sharing, in giving, in being together, and in doing Gods work. and i hope that my life would be poured out into this place over the next month. maybe i wont see big results, like it is so easy to see results a team's new experiences, and projects, but i will plant and water, trusting that God is at work making things grow!

1 corinthians 3:7
so, neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

make me

totally pure i want Him to make me
frustrated and shamed is my reality
anyway that i try to see
anyway i try to be and be
i cant be anything but a scared fraility
my lists of accomplishments only hinders
me from the dare to totally surrender
to the one who calls himself Love
to the one who created all here and above
to the one who all my sin he carried
up calvary to make my heart clean
only to have me disregard Him
not believing east and west now separate me from sin
not believing His power can come in
side me and redeem all that has been condemned
to the fire and raise me up again

so i cry out to you Jesus
who says you never leave us
why cant i connect to the vine of living water
so my heart can be built on rock and never totter
and then He says to me I am your Father
yes i will not leave you
but you must understand that there is nothing you could do
to earn this love i hold out before you
i gave my Son to all so all could come to me
i freely give this gift why is it that you cannot see
that the only thing that stands between you and being free
is your tight hold on your grasp of reality
let go and let me show you what is real
I am the I am and I will break the seal
and rule the new earth with an ever righteous zeal

crumbled and humbled i see You for who You are
how have i stumbled again to get so far
away from the truth of your amazing grace
lovingly lifting the veil from my faded face
You look into my soul and and my heart you replace
with flesh from stone like the stone was rolled away
to reveal your mystery and glory on one simple day
suddenly again i remember why you came
to earth and lived and died and rose and call my name
to follow you in faith and hope and love
to give my life back to you for i am simply of
dust you put together and breathed life into
my flesh with a purpose and a plan to use
my life to magnify You
and so i give up to you my severed divided heart
to make me totally pure from the finish to the start

didnt get the job

so i had a job interview at an awesome non-profit last thurs. it went real well. volunteer coordinator at 'giving children hope'. i am super qualified for it. and am super stoked on the organization and what they are doing. i was thinking it would be a good fit. it would have been an excellent challenge as well. not to mention it would be using my degree... imagine that!! so i got the call today. they thanked me for coming in and said they enjoyed meeting me. but they decided to choose another candidate for the position.

i dont think i could have prayed more or trusted more that God would lead me. So i have to take this as His leading.

I was going to have to sacrifice a few things for the job.

slow mornings. i never work before 10:45am. i still get up around 7 but take my time. go for a walk. pray. read. make a breakfast.

the next thing i would have to give up is my hip hop classes. i keep wondering if this is something that i should dive head long into... if its worth it.

traveling. lucas and my fun getaways couldn't happen often.

part time work. going to costco, target, and the bank somewhere between 9-5. time to stop by the ocean shore and reflect on life. time to schedule breakfasts with girlfriends.

pomodoro. dont get me wrong. i wouldnt be too sad to say good bye to the serving job itself. but i would be sad to say good bye to the staff, the flexibility, the ocean view on the patio... my ministry there too would probably get sacrificed.

and then there is haiti. which may be the reason that they didnt hire me. lucas and i are committed to the ministry. as many of you reading may know we may travel there 3 or 4 times a year. this winter i will be there from nov 20 - dec 26. even though the ministry of 'giving children hope' would include aid to haiti... i think they need a volunteer coordinator who is going to be in the country.

all in all. i was bummed. but i was praying for the Lords guidance and i have to believe that this is part of that guidance right?

inspired

after reading a bunch of blogs... do you ever get inspired to write one?? well this is what just happened to me. i need to be finishing a support letter for lucas and my next trip to haiti. somehow i got to reading blogs of some incredible young women that are living there in haiti now. dana and ari. i was reading and trying my darndest to put myself in their shoes. living in haiti. what would it be like?? i do get a tiny test run. soon. from nov 20 - dec 26. 36 days i am planning to be in haiti... working alongside these girls whom i am admiring. what will this do to me?

so many possibilities are always right in front of me. the joy of being an american. i think it the curse of being an american. how do i discern what is right or best? for me? for everyone? in Gods eyes? jobs. ministries. opportunities. seize the day? how do i do that when my day is already seized before i get to it? pray? ask God for direction? am i ready and willing to accept his direction?

i have been a true follower of Jesus for 10 years now. i am always thinking that i should be in a better place spiritually than i am. more knowledgeable. more trusting. more discerning. more encouraging. feeling the Lords presence. confident in faith. leading others to Christ. being salt and light. being an ambassador. walking in truth. being stong and courageous.

i know im hard on myself... but then again... isnt the Lord hard on us?

"but the one who did not know it, and committed deeds worthy of a flogging, will receive but few. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more." Luke 12:48

"So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God." Romans 14:12

"Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw,each man's work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man's work. If any man's work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. If any man's work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire." 1 Corinthians 3:12-1

hello?

hi blog world. i havent been here in a while. nice to see you.

later.